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19 December 2011
Lady Chatterley, lingerie and not kissing the rock star

If you’re still busy choosing my Christmas present, please know this: I do not want a kindle.  I love books.  I have hundreds – including a shelf full of about 20 that I haven’t found time to read yet.  I’m trying to intersperse the modern stuff with classics after my disgraceful score in the 100 Books Everyone Must Read list. And I love how books written in a different age still stand up against contemporary works.  I recently finished Lady Chatterley’s Lover – and yes, I see why 1930’s England found it shocking – but it’s a beautiful read.  My copy (shamelessly stolen off Marion’s shelf) is so old that the glue’s dried out, and as I turned the yellowed pages they fluttered away.  The effect would surely not have been the same reading it on an LCD screen with backlight. How could I possibly imagine myself as Constance running through the fields with a handsome gamekeeper with a diagonal EPD and Whispersync technology to hand?  Clearly I’m too traditional.  When Meatloaf asked for a future with a modern girl he couldn’t have meant me. That’s upsetting in itself – I would have done anything for that man.  I even offered to follow the ambulance when he had his heart attack right in front of me, to kiss him better, to get his autograph… (Gill refused – apparently celebrity stalking an ambulance is classless.)  So, to reiterate, no kindle thanks.  Lingerie, jewellery and Meatloaf CDs always welcome…!

Also welcome – a new hat! As my girlfriends know, I love hats – the bigger the better. I’m no weird Ascot spotter, but I do have a room filled with beautiful hat boxes, each containing larger and more elaborate headwear than the one before. And those of you who are planning to ask if I keep my hat on (you’re so predictable!), I’d better not answer that.  Not this week anyway.  All this hat talk reminds me of one of my strangest dates.  His name was Brian (not my lovely ex-boyfriend Brian) but we called him ‘Back-to-front hair’ for obvious reasons.  He was no Kajagoogoo.  It was long ago and it was far away, but Gill still remembers him. (Did you like that Gill, another Meatloaf reference?)  The date was me sitting on his bed with my eyes closed, and every time I opened them he was wearing a different hat. Cowboy, fireman, hard hat, gas mask, you get the picture? The date lasted about an hour then I made my excuses and left.  There’s a lot to be said for plain old wining and dining.

And there will be plenty of that this week, dining beneath fairy lights.  What are you hoping to find under your tree?  I’m hoping for more Twitter followers.  (Yes, I’m cheap to buy for…)  Huge thanks to @Iceboxdesigns, the fab web designers and social media experts who keep retweeting me to almost 30,000 people – that’s helping to fill my cyber-stocking!!  I’ve also asked Steven for perfume, and my Twitter boyfriend assures me that his fun size twix is in Santa’s sack for me.  We’ll see…

Have a lovely Christmas – and/or Channukah if that’s your thing.  Or, like us, best of both worlds! And not forgetting Kwanzaa, if you celebrate that.  Whether you’ve been naughty or nice this year I’m sending you seasonal sparkle and hope you get whatever you wish for. (That includes you Bro-Lo!)  Gill reminded me that we liked this in days gone by - not very Christmassy, but sort of appropriate nonetheless: I’m wishing on a star, to follow where you are; I’m wishing on a dream, that you will follow me…. Bit of artistic licence there, hope you’ll forgive that and follow me anyway… Have lots of fun this week! @WeekendWitch Ren@imaginativetraining.com

PS: I’ve been banned from including a photo of me in my Xmas dress or wearing a hat… maybe next year when I know you better!